he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
