Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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