i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
