I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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