I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
