I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
