its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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