words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
