Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
