no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
