All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
