Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
