He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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