as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
