Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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