so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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