Swine flu. Run for my life!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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