im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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