Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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