It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
