just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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