Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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