A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
