are you so shy because you have an std?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
