apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
