what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
