I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was born a porn star she said
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
