My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
