Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
