Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
