ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
