How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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