Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
