i wish starbucks made bloody marys
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
