There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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