He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
