She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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