Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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