he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
