Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
