We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
