You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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