I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
