i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
