So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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