Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
