i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
