So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
