I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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