I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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