shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
