Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize