This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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