You can't motorboat a personality
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
