In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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