so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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