so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
