Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
