I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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