I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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