There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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