Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
