Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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