White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
