Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
