There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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