Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
