hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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