this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
