I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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