I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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