if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
