oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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