I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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