so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
