I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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