First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
