I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he fucked my hip out of place.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dick has a subreddit
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
