So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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