is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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