He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
