Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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