so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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