Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
