I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.