im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...