so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
