Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.