I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.