u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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